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Adventures In the New Wild Kingdom

Thursday, July 14th, 2011

I went over to my parents’ house the other night for dinner and my dad had an Adventure With Wildlife story. It doesn’t have a sweet outcome or humor, so if you feel this might disturb you, I’d suggest skipping today’s blog.

The story as told to me by my dad:

The neighbor across the street called and said he’d had a sick raccoon in his yard, but that the animal had left and gone into my parents’ backyard. He warned my dad that they shouldn’t go outside. It’s been reported in the newspapers here that raccoons have a high infection rate for rabies, so a sick animal is definitely dangerous. The neighbor told my dad that he’d called the police.

It was about 3pm when the officer showed up. (I don’t know what time the neighbor called. My dad didn’t mention this, but I’m imaging it wasn’t too long.) He rang my parents’ doorbell and warned them that he would need to shoot the raccoon so they shouldn’t become alarmed if they heard the noise.

As soon as the raccoon saw the officer, it became belligerent and tried to attack. (Which definitely makes me think rabies.) The officer shot it with a small caliber weapon. My dad said it was barely a pop. Then he gloved up and hauled the carcass away. My guess is that they’ll test it for rabies, but I could be wrong about that. If they already know most of the raccoon population is infected, it might not be necessary.

This story was kind of scary to me because if the neighbor hadn’t seen the raccoon, noticed it was sick, and saw it go to my parents’ yard, my dad could easily have gotten bitten. He loves being outside and goes out all the time. And while he’s incredibly spry for his age, I’m not sure he’d get out of the way fast enough.

I’m continually surprised by the wildlife adventures. When did suburbia become an episode of Wild Kingdom?

Birdbrained

Sunday, May 22nd, 2011

For the past few days, a male robin has been attacking the glass doors on my patio. It isn’t a case of not realizing there’s glass there–my windows are clean, but not enough to confuse the bird. I’ve had my house for five years now and it didn’t happen the first three years at all. Last year, it happened briefly, but once or twice and it was done. Not this year.

This year, the idiot robin has spent days attacking my window over and over. When I pull the drapes, it’s mostly stopped the problem, although he did fly at my other windows that have curtains over them. The thing is that I like sunlight and would love to have my drapes open so I can enjoy the light. But I don’t want the bird to kill itself attacking the windows either.

I’ve tried chasing him away. He flies to the tree in my backyard and then returns later to attack the window again.

On Thursday, it occurred to me what was different this year and last year versus the first three years I was in the house. I didn’t hang my wind spinner on the deck! This should solve the problem, right? So I dug out the spinner, chased the idiot bird off, and hung my spinner.

An hour later, he was back…attacking the window.

Some research explained that robins are territorial and the male is defending his area. Against himself. Um, yeah. The article said that robins aren’t stupid (Really? You couldn’t prove it by me.) and that once the babies are born, he’ll be too busy feeding them to worry about his reflection.

In the meantime, I’ve got a dodo bird attacking his image. :-( Territorial or not, you’d think that after thunking against glass about fifty times, the birdbrained robin would think, “dude, reflection.” Nope. Not that bright no matter what the website said.

After I shooed him away yet again, he started singing his territorial, this is my land, song from all around my yard. And singing it loudly enough that I could hear him with all my windows closed. Guess he was really set on proving this is his land and no other male robin better even think about coming around.

You notice, though, that it isn’t the female robin flinging herself pointlessly against the glass. She’s probably busy building the nest while macho bird fights himself. ;-)

I’m going to try a fake owl to keep the bird away. I was hoping to have it Thursday night because my parents have one, only they can’t find it. They’re looking. If this doesn’t do the trick, there was a suggestion online to try helium balloons. I can’t believe this is actually happening over and over again.

Adventures In Home Waxing

Sunday, May 8th, 2011

I am–of course–talking about the hair removal kind of waxing.

A few weeks back, QVC had a Bliss waxing kit as the Today’s Special Value. I dithered a bit, but decided I’d check out reviews/prices when I got home from work. The reviews I found on line were positive, QVC’s price, even with the shipping, was better than what I found online, and so I ordered it. And found myself on back order. My kit finally came.

For those unfamiliar with Bliss, it’s apparently a salon wax that’s now been made available for home use. The wax is microwaved rather than heated in a special machine and their special oil is supposed to make it nearly pain free.

On Wednesday, I decided it was a good time to try it out. I set up at my kitchen breakfast bar with my lighted makeup mirror, a handful of cotton balls, and easy access to the microwave.

The directions said that a full cup of wax would likely need five or six 30 second zaps in the microwave and that the wax should be stirred between each interval. The first two times in the microwave, stirring was impossible because the top was rock solid. The third time through I had a little hole form, maybe the size of a nickle. By the fifth time, the wax was way too hot. It’s supposed to be the consistency of honey. I had it the consistency of water. :-) I waited a bit for it to cool down and thicken.

I started with my eyebrows. After all, how hard can it be, right? And this is a good place to test for pain. Because of years of plucking, I’m pretty inured to pain there and if it hurt, then using that wax in other areas was not going to happen.

Seriously, the directions needed to say something like: Idiot, reconsider doing the eyebrows yourself. Or get adult supervision.

Wax got into areas where I wanted to keep eyebrow. A little wax string dipped down into my eyelashes. I dripped wax on my floor. And my counter top. It required following their emergency instructions, but I did manage to not lose half my right eyebrow. It’s a little thinner than the left, but it is intact. :-/

Lessons Learned:

1. Do not wax in the kitchen. Take the cup into the bathroom.
2. The thicker wax is easier to work with, don’t overheat it and get it too thin.
3. When the wax cools, it won’t adhere will to the hair and nothing gets removed. Stay in the sweet spot as far as the time goes.
4. Pluck the eyebrows from now on. Use the wax for other places instead.

Assembly Required

Thursday, April 21st, 2011

On Wednesday, I bought a new shower caddy to replace the rusted out one and decided to get a new shower head, too. I wanted one that was stationary and had a hand-held unit as well. It’s been a PITA to clean the shower since I moved into the house, and at times, I’ve even resorted to using my toothbrush cup to rinse cleaning solutions off the walls. Yeah, not too slick.

Both items claimed ten minute assembly. They lied.

We started with the shower head since it would be easier to maneuver without the caddy in the corner. And yes, you know my dad was over helping me. The old shower head came off easily, the new one went on relatively easily, but the adjustable spray functions on both heads wouldn’t work.

My dad suggested that maybe it took water pressure, and since that sounded logical, I pulled up my sleeve (It snowed here Wednesday morning, so we’re still wearing long sleeves in MN) and turned on the water. Then I reached up and over and tried to turn the ring to adjust the spray.

No go. And now I have water running down my arm.

After I turned off the water, I went online and did a search. No helpful information turned up. Apparently no one else in the world ever had trouble getting this shower unit’s sprayers to work. Sigh. I went to the company website, got a phone number, and called.

The woman I talked to said to force it. I finally got one to move, but not the other. She said to take the other head down and hold it. If I forced it and it broke, she’d send a new one. I had to pull off my socks and get in the wet shower to get the head down. It took a hell of a lot of force, but I did get it to move. As I went to tell the woman eureka! my wet feet slipped on the floor and I went down.

Since I’ve been a klutz all my life, this didn’t particularly faze me. I just went to the phone, thanked the woman and hung up. My dad, though, was all upset. Sigh. Guess he forgot all the bones I’ve broken, ankles I’ve sprained, and bruises I’ve acquired as I’ve fallen, walked into to stuff, tripped over stuff, etc. I wasn’t hurt, BTW.

Onto the next project. Assembly shower caddy with three baskets. This is where I really hurt myself.

It seemed like such a simple thing–use the scissors to cut off the tie wraps fastening the pieces to each other. Unfortunately, they were very sturdy tie wraps, and as I applied force (More force!), the pad of my index finger went between the scissor handles. I have a dark discoloration under the skin. I’m assuming it’s a small blood pool subsurface.

Adding the extension to the shower caddy was where we ran into problems on this project. It took a visit to this manufacturer’s website to find more detailed information that made everything clear. Also, my ceiling is marked up from the rubber foot. Some of it came off, but there’s more that I missed. Project for another day.

So basic breakdown: 2 projects each supposed to take 10 minutes for a total of 20 minutes. Actual assembly time: 2 projects, 1 hour per project for a total of 2 hours.

Adventures In My Imagination

Tuesday, April 19th, 2011

Writers have vivid imaginations. We have to in order to tell a story, and most of the time I love it. I’m rarely bored because if I’m stuck somewhere, I just play a story in my head. Saved me countless times when I was a kid and my parents dragged me somewhere. There is a downside, though, to this overactive imagination.

Muscle soreness? It becomes the symptom of some fatal disease. Who cares if I raked the lawn yesterday? Someone I’m expecting is late? I’m picturing them involved in some horrific accident.

Which leads to last night…

I’m off from work this week, which means I can stay (and do) stay up later. Last night, after 11pm (while I was watching the Dodgers/Braves game), I heard a helicopter. They fly by all the time and I hate it, but usually they don’t linger. Last night, he hovered nearby. For a really long time.

Immediately, thoughts of a fugitive on the loose leaped into my head. I live about a half mile away from a couple of gas stations/convenience stores and in the mile radius, there’s even more gas stations/supermarkets/small businesses. I’m picturing a criminal–maybe more than one–attempting to rob one of these businesses and then running. Into my backyard!

I become hyper-alert, listening for the sound of glass breaking in my basement. Should I get up and get the phone now or can I make it three steps to grab it before the wanted man (men) open the basement door and shoot me to stop me from making a call to 911?

The helicopter is still hovering. I expect the search light to illuminate my yard like daylight any second. I wait for my own motion-sensor light over my deck to come on.

I tweet about my potential adventure.

One of the responses I get back? Maybe it’s a tiger who escaped from the zoo or a cobra. Now my imagination has another path to explore. I don’t live anywhere near either of our zoos in the Twin Cities, but residents own exotic animals, too. What if someone’s pet tiger did get loose?

You’ll notice I’m not too concerned about the snake. There’s two reasons for that. First, it’s still cold in MN. Really cold. They’re predicting three inches of snow here this afternoon and into tomorrow. Snakes are cold-blooded creatures and cobras in particular aren’t going to function well here since they’re from Egypt. Second, I figured even if a snake was capable of moving in the cold, he wasn’t going to break my window and slither into the house.

Unless of course, it’s a huge, mutant snake with genetically altered brain cells…

Um, but I didn’t think of that last night. I did consider whether or a not a tiger had the interest in jumping through glass to get into my house.

At last, the helicopter left. Instead of relieving me, I started thinking, well, what if the criminal/tiger is still out there and the police in the helicopter just didn’t see him? They didn’t turn on their search light and there’s handy foliage around to hide in. Maybe I’m on my own against this threat.

After it stayed quiet for a little while, and after the Dodgers and Braves ended, I decide to go to bed. And the helicopter returned!

It’s not easy having an overactive imagination.

Adventures In Streaming

Sunday, February 20th, 2011

I’ve had bad luck trying to stream Netflix. My Wii does it really well, but it’s in the basement and I have one lawn chair down there to sit on. Not exactly the most comfortable thing in the world. Since I want the Wii to stay in the basement, I bought a Roku player next. This was supposed to stream Netflix and a bunch of other stuff, but it stopped working in the middle of a movie and Roku support was a huge joke. But that’s another story.

I’ve tried streaming on my laptop, but I didn’t like that. I also researched Blu-Ray players, but my head started spinning and I gave up on that idea. My last ditch effort was to buy an HDMI cable.

I chose the 25 foot cable. Don’t ask me why I did that because my TV is certainly not that far away from the laptop, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Last night, as I looked at the curling cable and the weight of it against the connection to the laptop, I thought, oy! Not the best idea ever.

But I’m jumping ahead slightly. So last night I decided it was a good time to use the HDMI cable and stream a movie. I found instructions online and it seemed easy enough. I plugged the cable into the TV and into the laptop and tried to switch the TV’s input. Only the menu didn’t have any options for this. I flipped through all the items, clicked and arrowed my way around, but nada. That means I need the instruction book for the television. I found it in the third place I looked. Not too bad.

Armed with the instructions, I found the input button on the remote. I clicked down to HDMI 1 and hit enter.

No signal.

Hmm. Maybe I need to do something with the laptop. The online site I found said something about toggling the laptop between its own display and the television.

This is where the fun began.

Sony didn’t include an instruction manual with the Vaio, so I tried different key combinations. One of them put the laptop into sleep mode, although I didn’t realize that was what had happened at first. Not knowing what happened meant I didn’t know how to fix it. Hitting the same keys didn’t help. Neither did the escape button. Finally, though, I figured out what had happened and brought the laptop back to life.

I tried setting up so that the sole display was the external monitor (TV). That was a scary place to be because the TV had no signal and now the laptop display is gone! Rebooting didn’t bring it back up and I was sweating (and slightly panicked) until–somehow–I got the laptop screen working again.

I visited the Sony website, opened the PDF instruction book. It says to put the laptop into TV Configuration mode, but they didn’t say how to do this. Searching the manual for this phrase netted me nothing.

For more than an hour, I tried to stream a movie. I was about to concede defeat and resign myself to never streaming Netflix, when I had a sudden thought. What if the plug-in on the TV wasn’t HDMI 1?

This seemed like a long shot. After all, it was the top HDMI port, how could it not be 1? But maybe I accidentally slotted it in 2 and thought it was in 1. I clicked to 2.

Nothing.

I clicked to HDMI 3.

Nothing.

HDMI 4.

Nothing.

HDMI 5.

There was my laptop display! The Netflix site, the streaming instructions, Twitter! Woot! They’d numbered the ports backward (to my way of thinking) labeling the lowest HDMI port as 1 and the upper most port as 5. I could watch Netflix!

I didn’t start my viewing with 2012. I picked some other movie in my queue whose name I’ve forgotten already. It involved dragons causing an apocalypse on Earth and had Christian Bale who is hot. Unfortunately, about 20 minutes into the movie, I knew I couldn’t sit through it, not even for hot men. That’s when I tried the 2012 movie, which was watchable, but was a science disaster from beginning to end.

There was only one problem with the streaming–my good laptop was tied up for the length of the movie. It’s the only laptop I have that has an HDMI port.

Adventures In Tractor Assembly

Thursday, January 20th, 2011

Everyone who works in Technical Operations at my airline is required to go to Human Factors Training. It’s a two-day course to try to make people more aware that little things can start an accident chain. That’s a real loose definition, but it’s the best I can do to condense all those hours of training down to one sentence.

On the first day, we were split into five groups of five, given a plastic container with Lego pieces and 3 assembly instruction books, and told to assemble a tractor. Only it wasn’t quite that easy. First we had to assign roles to each member of the group. I’m not quite sure how it happened, but I ended up as group leader. We also had an inspector, a wheel and brake guy, a guy who could only assemble black plastic pieces, and another who could only touch pieces that weren’t black. Oh! And a materials guy. He was the only one who could hand pieces to those doing the assembly.

The age range according to Lego was 7-13. Surely, five adults (four of whom are airplane mechanics) can assemble something a seven-year-old child could. Even if we were only allowed 45 minutes.

If you said of course, you’d be wrong. :-)

When I mentioned three different instruction books that would be because there were parts for three different products in the box–a race car, a weird motorcycle thing, and our tractor. I grabbed the motorcycle instructions by mistake. The thing looked like a tractor to me. Luckily, I figured it out before we started putting pieces together.

First human factors crisis averted.

Lego does not put words in their instructions. It’s all pictures. I do better with words with images as illustrations than with pictures alone. Strike one. Also, I found Lego’s images ambiguous on where to attach things. So did my team.

We tried to line up with colors since there were red, blue, gray and green pieces in addition to the black. Lego didn’t always show the color or at least we couldn’t see it. Lego also would list we needed two pieces of the same type, but only show one being attached in their drawing. That forced us to page ahead trying to see where to put the second piece, and when that wasn’t readily findable, guessing. Later, we’d find where the piece went and have to try to fit it on after we’d gone past that stage.

It took a while, but we finally built up some momentum. And then the instructor said shift change. That meant the guy who’d just started figuring things out had to hand off his job to someone else. Not long after this, the instructor started asking how we were doing and when we’d be finished.

This was a human factors element because mechanics would be dealing with this in the hangars. Me? This didn’t bother me very much because it’s a different mindset in the office–at least to some degree. I did nearly tell the instructor, though, that we’d be done faster if he’d stop bothering us. :-)

The first team finishes their tractor in 35 minutes. It looks like a tractor. I look down at ours. We’re still working on the center assembly and looks nothing like a piece of farm equipment. A second group finishes their tractor and a third group right behind them. My group is still working.

Pieces fall off our center assembly when we turn it to add a new Lego. This isn’t good.

Time is called. We’re not even close to finished.

Our tractor is still only the center assembly and now our work is going to be critiqued. All the guys who finished their tractors had made mistakes on things. Well, I thought, we might not have made it too far, but at least what we did was correct. It wasn’t. We’d attached part of the assembly in the wrong place. We failed. Utterly.

Since this is training what were the lessons learned? The big thing was that we should have divided the work and had more than one guy working at a time. I didn’t think of that because I like to follow instructions step by step and not jump around. The second thing I learned was that I should never be in charge of a project like this. I have no experience in building things and can’t make informed decisions. The only good thing about my being the leader is that I didn’t have to do any assembly. Believe me, our tractor would have ended up in worse shape than it was if I had.

On Day Two, we were given a plane crash scenario–we are survivors of a plane crash, but we’re in the desert and it’s a 135 degrees. Rank the importance of the items you have. Then he told us to work in our tractor teams. My announcement? We’re doomed.

Adventures In Cable TV

Wednesday, December 22nd, 2010

Comcast cable went all digital in October which means cable-ready TV sets are no longer cable-ready. Now they require a small box about the size of an external DVD drive in order to pick up the digital cable signal. My parents have two televisions with these boxes, and when I was over Sunday night for dinner, my mom was complaining that the box in the family room wasn’t working. I went to investigate.

To be honest, I wasn’t expecting to find a problem. The more advanced the technology gets, the harder it is for my parents to adjust. I turned the TV on and then used the remote for the digital cable box to try to change stations. My mom was right. It didn’t work.

I immediately slipped into troubleshooting mode. Nothing seemed wrong with the remote. Now I needed to check out the digital box.

I couldn’t find it.

From the family room, I call to the kitchen, “Where’s the box?” No helpful answer, so I start looking around the television. Not on top. That’s where I put my digital box. Not below on the shelf of the entertainment center. I look to either side, but I don’t see anything.

Since the TV wouldn’t have a picture at all if the box wasn’t attached, I know it’s there. Somewhere. I get up to take a closer look. My search finally locates the digital box. It’s got clutter on top of it. It’s got clutter in front of it. It’s behind the wooden strip on the front of the entertainment center.

After clearing out all the stuff around the box and propping it up on the wood strip, the remote worked just fine.

Another crisis averted. Just add cable repair technician to my resume.

Adventures Can Happen Anywhere

Friday, December 17th, 2010

Adventures can happen in the oddest places at the oddest times. Yesterday I had one when I least expected it.

I was supposed to go to SET training yesterday, but a half an hour before it started, I was told to go to Part 145 Mod 1 training instead. I know, the names don’t mean anything to you, but it helps keep them straight as I talk. SET training was 45 minutes, Part 145 Mod 1 is 4 hours.

This changes also required me to mentally shift my schedule for the day. Not my favorite thing because I’m not a real fan of spur of the moment anything. I like time to plan, and although this is far cry from say, hopping on a plane and flying to Singapore, it’s still a disruption to my mental organization and I don’t like this. I always end up feeling frazzled as my mind tries to adjust to the new plan.

The Part 145 Mod 1 training is in a training room above Hangar 4. This is an area of the building that I’m unfamiliar with because I never go over there. Keep in mind that lining the hallways are rooms to clean airplane parts, shops that fix parts, boxes with parts, and all the other equipment needed to fix airplanes. When I say the training room is over hangar 4, I mean it is directly over hangar 4, so I’m in the maintenance operation area.

I’ll skip all the training stuff, including the fact that I nearly got bumped out of the room, and get to my inadvertent adventure.

We get a break and I seek out a restroom. I went down the hallway by the training room, but there’s just more training rooms. I go down the stairs and to my left. I find the men’s room, but that doesn’t help me. Someone finally points me the other direction and tells me it’s down by the garage door (remember, I’m in the hangars area.)

I thought I missed it. I walked and walked and walked and there are multiple “garage doors” all over this place. I was thinking I was going to have to ask someone for help, when I finally spotted it. Whew! It’s actually a fairly large bathroom with those round fountain type sinks like you sometimes see in grade schools. I wash and dry my hands, put some lotion on, and leave to head back to class.

I stop short just outside the door. This doesn’t look right. Which way do I go?

I study the area, trying to figure out which way to turn. This really looks unfamiliar. In fact, it doesn’t even look like a hallway, it looks like a hangar. How can I come in from the hallway, and when I leave, it’s a hangar?

The light bulb goes on. There must be two doors!

I turn around and go back in the bathroom. Sure enough, there are two doors. I go out the other one, the one I would have known to use if I’d 1) been paying attention when I walked in. That side of the bathroom was much different than the opposite side. 2) wasn’t completely directionally challenged. 3) wasn’t already feeling a bit frazzled about being late getting back to class because of how far the restroom was from the training room.

This time I am in the hallway, but I still have to figure out which way to go. Yes, I am that directionally challenged and the other items in the previous paragraph apply here, too. I chose left. I had a 50/50 shot and I was right! Woot!

Of course, I still needed help finding my way back to the main hallway after class, but that’s another story.

Adventures In Chair Assembly

Friday, December 10th, 2010

At work on Tuesday, the 757 engineers received new desk chairs. Unassembled.

(In case you’re wondering why I didn’t get a new chair, it’s because I’m no longer part of 757 Engineering. I’m now in Maintenance Programs and under a different manager.)

My first thought upon seeing this unassembled chairs is that this should be right up an engineer’s alley. Most of them have hobbies that seem to involve putting things together–or taking things apart and then putting them back together. Apparently, chairs are another story.

Instructions? We don’t need no stinking instructions! Then he turns to me and asks what he should do first. I said I think you’d start by putting the casters in the base. It makes sense, right? Start at the bottom? So he opens the plastic bag with the casters and hands me the instructions. A quick glance at the paper said I was right, but even after asking me do you think that’s what the engineer did? Um, no.

While I’m perusing the directions, he decides to insert the pneumatic cylinder into the seat bottom. The reason I know it was the pneumatic cylinder is that’s what it was called in step 2. I would have just called it the tube thing. ;-)

When I glanced up and saw what he was doing, I was like, dude, that’s step 2 and you’re putting the cylinder in the wrong place anyway. I showed him Figure 1.

At his objection to having to follow the instructions, I said, “I’m glad I’m not going to be sitting in that chair.” He reconsidered doing things his way and decided to give the manufacturer’s process a chance.

At this point, one of the tech writers came in and sat down. All our tech writers are former airplane mechanics, so I figured they didn’t need my presence. While the two of them were working to install the casters, I excused myself for a restroom run. When I came back, the casters were in the base and the pneumatic cylinder had been installed correctly. Mostly. The men had decided to remove the plastic sheath. I was told I never should have left them on their own. Hmm.

I spent the rest of the assembly process reading directions aloud. And rereading them. And holding out the paper and pointing to the diagrams.

The final outcome? Chair was assembled, but the tilt feature won’t work. All in all, I thought we did well. I’m still kind of amazed, though, that an engineer and a former mechanic needed me to help them get that chair together.


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