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Sometimes the Weird Is In My Head

Tuesday, June 7th, 2011

Sometimes the weird stuff just happens. This one came from a conversation at work. Sort of. :-)

I was talking to one of the guys last week about how I’d only had one hour of sleep and complaining about how I always start the week sleep deprived because I can’t sleep on Sunday nights. He suggested melatonin. Hmm, I thought. It might be worth a try.

So Sunday night, I took a melatonin, went to bed, and fell right to sleep. I was only a little groggy on Monday morning. Here’s the weirdness part of the whole thing.

I get up and as I’m walking out of my bedroom, I think, I know Google Images will have pictures of the inside of a NASCAR race car. I’ll have the information in no time. And then I had a few sips of coffee (still groggy from the melatonin) and thought, What story am I writing that I need a picture of the inside of a race car?

The answer was I’m not writing that story. I have no idea what I was dreaming last night, but apparently it involved me working on a NASCAR story. This isn’t going to happen.

Not to offend any racing fans, but I find auto racing to be almost as boring as golf. Driving around in an oval? Um, okay. If I ever wrote a sports story, it would involve baseball, something I enjoy and know a lot about. But I would like to know what my dream was.

1776

Monday, October 26th, 2009

Last night, I watched 1776 a musical with William Daniels, Howard Da Silva, and Ken Howard. It’s actually one of my favorites, but that wasn’t what I planned on watching on an October weekend. Unfortunately, what I did plan to see left me bored, and after studying my DVD collection, this was the title that I felt like watching.

A strange thing occurred to me as I watched it. I suddenly remembered all the times I’d been asked: If you could meet anyone living or dead, who would it be? It’s a question that I’ve never had an answer for because I’m not into celebrity and I couldn’t think of anything else. Last night it dawned on me that I wish I could have gone back and talked to the founding fathers–John Adams, Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, John Hancock, and the others.

Wouldn’t it be cool to travel back in time and sit in a corner to watch the Continental Congress debate independency? To find out first hand what they envisioned, what they were thinking?

I understand that the real men are unlikely to resemble the way they were portrayed in the musical, but I still think it would hugely interesting. Jefferson was in his early 30s. Adams his early 40s. And they were part of one hell of a creation.

And when I went to bed after it was over, I dreamed about aliens invading Earth and blowing things up ala Independence Day, another favorite movie. :-) I don’t know how my subconscious transposed a sweet musical with an ET invasion, but hey, at least it wasn’t dull.

If Not Now, When?

Thursday, August 20th, 2009

I’m reminded again of the fragility of life. This morning I learned that a woman I work with and have known for years was taken to the hospital yesterday. She’d had a stroke and was continuing to have strokes at the hospital. The last update I’ve received said that she’s doing well and undergoing surgery for a blockage in her neck. I’ve been stunned all day. It was a reminder that none of us know how much time we have on this Earth.

And it reminded me of the “some day” people. The ones who have a dream, something they always wanted to do–some day.

I blogged once on another site about pursuing dreams and was amazed at the rancor that showed up in the comments. Here I thought it was an uplifting and empowering post and I was hearing things that were so negative about the topic that I was shocked. Of course there are limitations. If you’ve always wanted to be an Olympic gymnast and you’re out of your teens, that boat has sailed. Or if you want to be a jet pilot, but the cost of the flying lessons would be a hardship for your family, then of course, you can’t pursue it right now. That’s not what I meant.

Because I’m an author, I’ve had a lot of people come up to me and say, “I’ve always wanted to write a book.” I used to reply with, “then you should!” And that’s when I got the yeah, buts. There are a billion excuses you could put in the blank, but the most frequent was yeah, but I don’t have time. I used to tell them that there’s never time to write, that you have to make it. Like instead of watching some lame reality show, spend that hour writing. There’d be more excuses. Always. And that’s when I stopped trying to encourage people to pursue their dream of writing. When they tell me know that they want to write a book some day, I tell them that’s great and leave it at that.

If they’re not passionate enough about something they call their dream, there’s nothing I can do to change that for them.

I know pursuing dreams isn’t easy and I’ve spent a lot of years in my life not writing seriously or even not writing at all. I understand the fear of pursuing a dream and failing. Or succeeding. I also know that people who do pursue their dreams draw anger and animosity from those who haven’t had the courage to chase their passion. Maybe it’s because they don’t want to see someone taking the chance they’re too frightened to take themselves. I don’t know.

What I do know is that if you’ve always wanted to write, or learn to dance, or draw, or learn to crochet, then you should do it. Now. Life is short. My coworker’s sudden stroke is proof of that.

Even In My Dreams

Thursday, July 23rd, 2009

Sometimes people ask me why I write action/adventure romance. I usually end up saying something about Speed and The Terminator being my favorite movies, but it goes beyond that I think. Last night I had this dream…

The hero and heroine are strangers who have to work together if they have any hope of getting out of this dangerous situation alive. For reasons that aren’t clear in the dream, they’re both forced to go to a warehouse and receive a shipment. They don’t know what it is, but it’s in a large crate.

While they’re waiting, a blond woman strikes up a conversation with them. She’s waiting for her own reasons and she ends up giving them her shipment as well. After the crate the h/h are waiting for arrives and is offloaded, the bad guys don silver, asbestos suits that will protect them from very high heat and try to incinerate my couple. The woman they were talking to is killed, but the h/h jump in a truck (conveniently loaded with their crate and the dead woman’s) and make a mad dash escape.

The bad guys pursue and for the rest of the dream, my hero and heroine have to work together and trust each other to continue to allude the bad guys. When they finally come out victorious, they walk off into the sunrise, ready to start the rest of their lives together.

If there were more details of the mad dash chase and the victory over the bad guys, they’re long gone. Maybe driven away by the alarm or maybe they were just never there. Dreams can be funny that way.

But this is part of why I think I love action and adventure in my romance stories–I’m just wired that way. I totally wanted to just lie in bed this morning and immerse myself in this dream. Replay parts of it, work out who the h/h were and maybe see if there was something that could become a story here. There isn’t now, not from the dream alone, but if I played with it and went, “what if…?” then maybe it could become a story.

I have a lot of dreams like this–when I remember my dreams. Some of them have been prodded and shaped until I could write something down, although none of the books I’ve actually written have been dream-induced. Some of them never become more than a bedtime story I tell myself before I fall asleep.

I used to think about my Work In Progress while I laid in bed waiting to fall asleep, but I stopped doing that when it led to me not sleeping. Instead of relaxing me, my mind would rev up and try to work out problems and I’d either have to get up and write the solutions/words down or I wouldn’t work them out and get so tense as I continued to try that I’d end up with a couple hours worth of sleep. But I always imagine stories to myself while I’m lying in bed; I have since I was a child and I can’t sleep without them. My solution is to tell myself stories that I know I’ll never write. There’s no stress to unravel plot issues, no need to remember the words so that I can write them down, no driving need to pop out of bed and work. It’s perfect.

And now I have a new story. Tonight, I’ll toy with the dream and entertain myself with it.

Chasing Dreams

Monday, May 18th, 2009

I’m a big believer in chasing dreams. Not unachievable dreams like being an Olympic gymnast if you’re 60 years old, but doable dreams. Real dreams. From the time I was 14, mine was to be a writer, to tell stories and share them with others. Dreams are good.

But I’m not going to talk about me today. I want to talk about someone who never, ever gave up on his dream even when it would have been easy for him to do it. The man’s name is Bobby Scales and he’s an infielder currently on the Chicago Cubs roster.

Bobby Scales has been in the minor leagues for ten years. He played 1013 games, had 3303 at bats, and 942 hits. He had to supplement his income by substitute teaching in the off season in his home down in Georgia, but he still pursued his dream. He never gave up.

I have the utmost respect for this man. He’s 31 years old and kids younger than him were called up. How many players has he watched come and go while he toiled away in the minors?

Here’s what he said about why he didn’t give up:

“A lot of different things,” Scales said. “From the baseball side of it, just a belief I could play. It may sound hokey but I knew in the depths of my soul that I could play this game. I felt I could help a big league team win games in whatever capacity that a manager saw fit to use me. I knew that. That’s part of it and the support I got from my family. My wife, my mom and dad have been unbelievable.

And in his first major league game with the Cubs, Scales got his first hit, scored his first run, and struck out for the first time. In eight big league games, he’s hitting .333, has 1 home run, 5 RBIs.

He achieved his dream after ten years of working hard. That’s a pretty darn big deal. Are you still pursuing yours?

Random, Totally Random

Friday, December 5th, 2008

I needed a blog topic for tonight and was getting desperate. I searched news headlines for articles I could maybe talk about about, but nothing grabbed me. Then I thought, well, maybe I’ll head over to Google and search for someone who has suggestions about interesting blog topics. That was no help. My next idea was to use the “I feel Lucky” button on Google. For some reason, I thought it would take me to a random website, but unfortunately that isn’t what it does. It takes you to the first website listed in your search results. Pfft. That wasn’t what I was looking for.

Then I googled “random website” and lo and behold, there are sites out there that do just that–take one to a random website. The first one I found is called Random Website Dot Com and the other was Memory Cloud/Random Website Generator.

In my exploration for a topic, I was taken to a website with wallpapers–some cool ones, an animal rights group website, zombie nation, and project censored, the news that didn’t make the news. Some of these were meh, and others were interesting and I’ve bookmarked them to explore later. But while I did find some cool stuff, I still had no blog topic. :-(

Then I was taken to the Inspirational Quotes website. Now this is something I can go with. I love inspirational quotes. So my quote of the day is:

If you have built castles in the air,
your work need not be lost;
that is where they should be.
Now put the foundations under them.

~Henry David Thoreau

Is that cool or what? To me, what he’s saying is that the dreamer should do more than merely dream. He’s saying that the dreamer should do the work necessary to make his/her dreams come true. I totally believe that. I can’t imagine looking back and having regrets.

Now granted, some dreams are impossible, but I’m not talking about things like becoming an Olympic gymnast or something that would bankrupt a Rockefeller. I’m talking about pursuing reasonably achievable dreams. Like writing. Go for it!

Childhood Dreams

Friday, November 21st, 2008

This summer, not long after I bought my new iPod, I was over at iTunes U and saw one of the top free downloads was called Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams. Cool, I thought, and downloaded it. For months now, it’s sat on my iPod without my making any effort to listen to it. What kept stopping me? It was an 1:16 minutes long. Yesterday, though, I finally played it–and was blown away.

This is one of the most wonderful, uplifting lectures I’ve ever heard. I’ve already listened to it twice and I printed out the transcript–That’s how incredible it was.

The lecture was given by Dr. Randy Pausch, a professor from Carnegie Mellon University. You might have heard about him on the national news over the summer when he passed away from pancreatic cancer. Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams has another title, one that it’s better known by–The Last Lecture.

Before you think, wow, how depressing was that speech, I can tell you it was the farthest thing from depressing. Dr. Pausch was upbeat and funny. He didn’t talk about cancer, he talked about dreams: His own, how to enable others to pursue and achieve their dreams, and what he’d learned. I’m going to recap a couple of things that I found especially important.

…the brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.

Wow! That’s just incredibly profound and very true.

I’ve always wanted to draw. I can see beautiful pencil sketches in my mind, but my attempts at drawing are, frankly, pathetic and I’d do one or two, see the results, and give up. The brick wall there was my lack of interest in practicing, in putting in the time and effort it would take to get good enough because I didn’t want it badly enough.

Now let’s look at writing. I started my first story when I was in 8th grade and I kept at it no matter what. From time to time, I’d let it lapse, but I always found my way back to it, and if something wasn’t good enough, I kept working on it until it was. And if I couldn’t fix that story, I’d move on to the next and the next. I was on the school newspaper my freshman year, the school yearbook my Sophomore, junior and editor my senior year. I majored in copywriting at the University of MN. I kept at it. My first rejection in my mid-twenties stopped me for about six months, but then I decided that if the editor thought I wrote two-dimensional characters, then by God, I’d learn and grow and become good at characterization. And one of the comments I get over and over from readers, reviewers, and others is how real my characters seem. I love hearing it.

Brick walls. Check. I didn’t want the art badly enough, but I did passionately want the writing and no brick wall stopped me for too long.

So my next piece of advice is, you just have to decide if you’re a Tigger or and Eeyore.

This is something I need a lot of reminders about–attitude. I tend to be a glass-half-empty person and I’m farther toward Eeyore than I’d like, but I can learn and change and grow. I can take a step back when I’m going down the Eeyore path and try to be more like Tigger.

I’m going to stop here, but the entire speech is filled with great life lessons. It’s definitely worth a listen and I’ve been telling everyone and I do mean everyone that they have to watch this video. Most of it is audio, so if you’re like me and not able to watch, you won’t miss too much. The second time through I saw the graphics and there are some funny shots, so if you can see video as well, that’s even better.

You can find the lecture at iTunes U, just search for “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams” and it’s from Carnegie Mellon. If you don’t do iTunes, you can find it on Google Video at Randy Pausch’s web page on the CMU site. It’s about halfway down the page. There are also links to other videos, the transcript of the speech, and the PowerPoint slides among other things.

Please, listen to this talk. It’s that cool!

Too Slow, Darn It

Monday, November 19th, 2007

I redid the banner on my website this weekend. Unfortunately, I think it’s loading far too slow for anyone on dial up. I’ll have to double check that when I’m at my parents’ house, but as I watch the way it loads on broadband, I can only fear the worst. I’ll have to mess around with it some more and see if I can’t make it smaller so that it doesn’t take so long. I was too tired to do it last night.

While I was working on it Saturday night, I watched a really interesting show on the National Geographic Channel about the Galapagos Islands. They showed the different animals that call those islands/rocks home. And it made me feel hugely guilty for cheering for all the el ninos we’ve had. The poor seals (or were they sea lions?) and lizards who live there lost nearly 50% of their populations. Of course, the show ended with man messing up everything by coming in with their cruise ships and disturbing the creatures who call the area home.

The writing did not go well this weekend. Drat it all. The problems started with how late I slept on Saturday–I didn’t get up until nearly 11:30. Not good. I dug out my extra winter blankets, washed them, got the bed all set up and had a bizarre dream on Saturday night. In it, someone was sitting on my lap while we rode in a car and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. When I woke up, I realized it was probably the weight of all those blankets that triggered the dream. :-)

But back to writing. I think the problem is that I’m not 100% clear on what I want to accomplish in the scene. Oh, I have a general idea, but I think I need to sit down with my notepad and come up with a list of goals. I know how I want to end the chapter, so that’s one plus. And I know some of the information I want to convey, but I’m stumbling around, trying to figure out how to get there. I guess I just need to sit down and write and worry about getting it right later.

Another plus, I might–maybe–have my heroine’s name–still. I’m not ready to say it’s for sure a done deal yet, not until I’ve written more in her POV than I have already, but I’m hopeful.

Just Stuff

Wednesday, April 18th, 2007

Boy, the laptop is really slowing down. I’m not talking internet connection speed, which is still at dial up since I’m not networked, but the actual computer speed itself. I’ll have to run a spyware scan when I get home from work today, but I’m thinking it’s probably the fact that the laptop is over two years old and there is a lot of crap on it now. I really should wipe the drive and reload the stuff I want, but I did that with my desktop a few years ago and I still don’t have everything back on it. And it is a lot of work to save everything off the hard drive, wipe the drive, reload all the programs, and then reload all the files. It’s probably easier to just buy a new laptop. :-/ Maybe I’ll get lucky and it’ll just be spyware.

I tried to get to bed a little earlier last night so I’d be rested today. It started out so well, but I woke up around 1:30. I think it was my dream. Over and over, these little creatures with huge teeth kept leaping at me and sinking their teeth into my left arm. I even think I know what inspired that–my left wrist, arm, hand and thumb have been painful the last couple of days. Bad enough that I started babying it yesterday. Anyway, I didn’t fall back asleep till nearly 4am and then the alarm went off. I’m a hurting unit right now.

Oh, and Shards of Crimson is up for two NOR Awards. This award is in conjunction with Night Owl Romance. You can go over and vote here.

Quick One

Sunday, April 15th, 2007

I’m not going to blog long today. I have to go back to the Evil Day Job tomorrow and I want to get as much done as possible.

It was warmer (notice I did not say warm) and sunny yesterday, so I took my notepad and sat on my deck to work on chapter goals. I needed my jacket and it was really cool in the shade, but it was nice to get outdoors.

Last night, I dreamt I met Sting after a concert. You’d think in my dreams that I could manage to be smooth socially, but nope, I was as big a geek in my sleep as I am in real life social situations. Sigh. It doesn’t seem fair.

Oh, yeah, I ordered more flowers to plant–someday.


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